Ok I just turned 18 I live with my mom who has a off and on drug issue we share finances which she uses and gets mad when I ask about the withdrawals from the atm which she’s using for drugs but we just got into a big fight becayse we have been making each other miserable and I make her miserable becayse I don’t let her go out which is becayse 1 I’m scared of losing her and 2 her drug issues. 2 the fact I’m always upset I’m always counting every penny I won’t do anything fun I won’t eat out go places buy anything or do anything because of my fear of losing money. I’m angry I yell I’m aggitated fast I say mean stuff about everyone I say stuff about her which I mean as jokes but I guess she doesn’t see them as jokes. I feel like the asshole everytime after we fight or something happens but I can’t see it before then and I’m so scared of her doing drugs but like I feel like it’s my fault like she has spent 220$ the last 2 days with no where it went she wrote me a note I didn’t read last night and now I feel like a bigger asshole. This is the note she wrote to me. Be extraordinary be an extraordinary woman we don’t need anyone don’t make past mistakes love each day as it were your last. New adventure learn live love be positive don’t live in the past. Everything changed for us we lost someone who shouldn’t be gone some one who didn’t care or appreciate us a person who refused to change a person who threw us away. You and I are ready for big changes out with the old in with the fresh start it’s over whelming scary and exhausting and very hard for us. But I know we are so strong I know that all the hurt and pain that I endured and now you know as well that it has made us stronger we can’t do anything to be happy alive if we are only dwelling the bad stuff that has happened it has to stop now. What do you have to do to live a long happy future with me? Tell me that you will smile and laught again no more hate no more tears no more anger no more regrwt let’s live I wanna be happy starting now promuse me that from this day forward you will stop dwelling on the past and regrets and mistakes promuse me you will clear your mind take a deep breath and tell yourself that I will always have my mom she will be there for me always she will love me always and I need to appreciate her take her advice and allow her to be my mom and I will love and respect her from this day forward we are living our lives with hope love and happiness love your one and only mom always. I feel so horrible bc all I did today was be mad over a movie asked her where the money went and broke a mug and we fought for a hour over the money idk what to do I just wanna end this