I (22F) came up with the idea of joining the military today, I kind of randomly thought about it this past night since I’ve been up since yesterday and it’s about 7am now, went for an hour walk at 2am, there’s a lot I want to do, I’d feel so accomplished, you know? I want to prove myself at this point in my life and I should’ve done it sooner. I’ve done some stuff in the past years that complicated things; I slept with a manager at a restaurant I work at in 2023 and 2024, I dated a childhood friend then cheated on him with a 40M I stalked for months and slept with every night until my shifts in the morning, considering having a child with 40M as we are still together, occasionally doing molly, acid and weed, some drinking. I took on a second job a few months ago and so I worked 6am-11pm and I did well for a bit but I crashed, so just one job now. Broke in to my old childhood house while it was being remodeled because I couldn’t bear the thought of it being touched and others In it. I considered befriending the child who lives in it (middle school age?) now that people live there, just so I can visit the place. My friend I dated and cheated on with said in the past that I need psychiatric help, and he told that to the 40M I’ve been seeing, just as a way to make me feel bad honestly. Joining the military or maybe going back to college would be an ideal for me to show I’m not a head case. I failed 3 semesters in a row of college but it was because I fell into deep depression, I’d do so well and get straight A’s for the first part up to the middle of the semester then I’d just drop. I think I am okay and I feel motivated, there are times I am very motivated and I just need to stick by that somehow. Maybe the military could give me some discipline. I messaged my mom about this idea and she was confused and said it wouldn’t be good for me anyway because I recently got into therapy and had my intake a few days ago and I was diagnosed with Major depressive disorder. Why would I discourage myself from doing something positive just because of depression?