Tomorrow would have been my former classmates birthday. He tragically passed away this past April. His grandmother invited our whole class to gather in a restaurant–she herself wont be there–she arranged it just for us. I've decided to not go. One of my classmates said I'm acting childish and disrespectful by refusing to to, saying that I have to honor his memory. The thing is when he was alive we weren't friends or anything. In fact he constantly was bullying me and humiliating me in front of others. When i first find out he died i cried a lot. I went to all the mourning ceremonies and the funeral and it was very eotionally overwhelming and hard for me. I felt guilty for not loving him or remembering him fondly. Of course pver time i came to a conclusion that my conflicted feelings arent making me a bad person. Now that this birthday dinner is happening i feel no desire to be here. I believe i've already shown my respect enough. So AITA for choosing not to attend his birthday dinner and prioritizing my own feelings?